he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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