you would pick up someone in the library
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
