True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
