good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
