bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
