pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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