I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
