Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
