What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
