At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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