Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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