I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize