Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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