im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
