I wish my penis had an off switch
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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