if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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