elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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