o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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