She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
