Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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