Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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