i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
