2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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