Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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