come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
