I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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