Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
