What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
