We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I yelled at your uterus for you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
