So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I want is dick and wine.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
