I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
