Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
