I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Rumble strips road head = magical
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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