tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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