You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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