Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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