as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
