You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
