It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
