names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
