WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
