Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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