he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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