My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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