I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
