I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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