Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize