college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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