HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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