can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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