Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
