I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
