Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
