She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
