I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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