I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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