Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Bring me that man meat
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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