I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
