if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
