a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize