my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
