If i come over, it means nothing
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
