walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
