You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
