i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize