careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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