no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
