Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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