Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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