I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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