My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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