My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
