There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
