pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
