Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
