Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
